Video Games are Going in the Toilet

Even with games like Angry Birds and the dozens of properties that Zynga shamelessly rips off takes inspiration from making millions upon millions of dollars, there there is still a sizable chunk of people out there who will argue that social/mobile gaming isn’t “real gaming”, whatever the hell that means. I think it’s safe to say that, in 2012, people who have this mindset are blithering idiots. The truth of the matter is that social games and mobile games are here for the long-haul, and I argue that a sizable part of their success can be traced directly to where you do your business. After all, we’re all guilty of taking our Game Boy, or our DS, or our PSP, or our iPad (for the sake of this post, “iPad” includes any tablet), or phone into the bathroom to squeeze in one or two rounds of Bejeweled or Fruit Ninja. Sure, it’s one of those things we don’t talk about, but we’ve all done it once or twice in our lives.

I believe that Toilet Gaming (admittedly not the sexiest or most marketable term) is largely responsible for the rise of social and mobile games in the past few years. It hasn’t been a conscious effort, of course — I doubt anyone has perused the iTunes App Store while thinking “what’s a great game to play while I’m dropping the kids off at the pool?”. But at the same time, the truth of the matter is that people want and, in many instances, expect to be entertained all the time. This is why most people listen to the music in the shower. This is why a lot of people surf Facebook or Twitter when at work, and this is why an overwhelming majority of smartphone owners actually own a smartphone.

Now, some people are going to roll their eyes at me, or say that the entire notion of the existence of a “toilet gamer” demographic is silly. To them, and to everyone else, I pose this question: how many times have you gone into the bathroom and emerged ten, fifteen, twenty or more minutes later because you were immersed in a game of Fruit Ninja, or Tetris?

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Posted on by James in Gaming

Mother Nature Will Be Like ‘Slooooow Dooooown’…

…and you’ll be like “fuck you” and kick her in the face with your Energy Legs!

Hi! I’ve been busy! Really busy, in fact. This is the update I’ve been pushing off for weeks, and all I’ve got for you is “I’m busy.” But posting just that would be dickish, so…

I’m moving to a new apartment. Those of you who follow me on Twitter are only too aware of the absolute black hatred I feel for my neighbors. When I moved in, I lived below a college couple. They were young, with spirits filled of life, eyes filled with a longing for each other, and hearts filled with an insipid hatred that would peel the varnish off a urinal grate. Every night, without fail, I would be privy to the irate ramblings of the female as she unleashed a barrage of personal, educational and sexual attacks on her boyfriend, who often times would be found drunk in the parking lot, shouting back at her with all the eloquence of a drunken stroke victim who had popped one two many Xanax with his peanut butter and lard sandwich. More than once she would throw his belongings from their balcony, and the crash of glass and heavy plastic as a computer, beer mug or stereo crashing against the pavement below soon became as normal and comforting to me as birds singing on an early spring morning.

As the end of their lease approached, their fights became more violent. He turned the tables on her, frequently locking her out of their apartment. The rhythmic, almost tribal beats of her meth-weakened hand against their door played not unlike a samba, and I soon found myself “dancing to the beat” as they continued their verbal sparring.

… okay, that dancing part is complete bullshit. But I digress.

With their lease up, they departed. It was about the same time that rain returned to Austin, fueling my theory that their hate was so palpable that it disrupted the flow of the jet stream, spiraling Austin, Texas into a hate heat cocoon that lasted for months. But they were gone now. The rains returned, the crops grew and the city was safe. I could finally read my books or sleep in relative silence…

…at least until the family of six moved in.

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Posted on by James in Lowlife

You’re Doing #FollowFriday Wrong

I love Twitter. If you follow me (@MaximusPaynicus), you already know this. I’m on it all the time, constantly walking the fine line between “proficiency” and “disrupting my work productivity”. An already splendid repository of humanity’s mental diarrhea, my absolutely favorite part of Twitter is the weekly #FollowFriday (#FF for short), in which those I follow give shout outs to other informative, funny or otherwise interesting people to follow.

Unfortunately, the majority of people who take part in #FollowFriday do it wrong.

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Posted on by James in High Tech

The Real Cost of Being a Gamer…

…because no self-respecting player of video games calls themselves a “video gamer.”

If you’re a follower of gaming blogs, or indeed are reading this blog and therefore know who the hell I am, you’ve probably seen this piece from Bloomberg. In it, writer Jennifer Prince calculates the “true cost” of being a video gamer. SPOILER ALERT: her final tally was $17,077. Her “calculations” were based on a family of four living in the San Francisco bay area, and this is highlighted a number of times throughout the piece. Unfortunately, prices don’t fluctuate from San Francisco to, say, Des Moines. An Xbox 360 costs the same amount of money in the Mission District as it does in Omaha, Nebraska or Austin, Texas (represent!).

Regardless of that, I found the concept of the “real cost” of gaming to be an intriguing one. Unfortunately, once I started reading the article it quickly became apparent that Ms. (or Mrs., I don’t know) Prince had published something that didn’t represent the “real” gaming community in the least. Rather than rail against Ms. Prince, however, I think it’d be far more productive to correct her math. So that’s what I’m going to do. After the break, I’ll do a page-by-page breakdown of Ms. Prince’s calculations, with the occasional explanation of why my numbers are the way they are.

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Posted on by James in Gaming

Meh

…a blog post talking about the lack of desire to write a blog post. Pretty meta, eh?

I have absolutely nothing pressing to say. I don’t have any particularly strong emotions flowing through me at the moment, and things are generally… pretty alright. It’s because of exactly that reason that I’m writing right now. Writing when you have nothing in particular to say is a good exercise. It’s akin to powering through writer’s block when you’re working on a project whose deadline is coming up and you have yet to write word one. It’s not that there’s anything up there — I’m thinking all the time. The issue is getting it all written down in a style and voice that I’m comfortable with.

It can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but I find that it’s a lot easier to restructure or rewrite bad text that has a good idea, rather than putting everything off and trying to come up with something fresh when I feel like it.

For the record, there is a difference between having Writer’s Block and just… not having anything to say. Writer’s Block is downright torturous — you’re sitting at your desk, staring at a blank word document (or pad of paper if you’re old school), the insertion point blinking over and over again as though it were judging you… mocking you… you know exactly what you want to say in your head and when you recite it back to yourself internally it sounds brilliant. Then you write it out and get:

I like bacon.

While not an inaccurate statement, you know that you’re missing out on so much. So you delete it and write it again. This time you get:

I really like bacon.

…closer. But still a mile away from what you’re after. You want to convey the absolute joy you experience from biting into that first crunchy slide (or chewy, if you’re into that). You want to talk about the heavenly scent of fresh bacon in the morning, or how you can still see the steam rising in wavy whisps as it sits on the kitchen counter.

But all you get is:

I really like bacon, especially when it’s hot.

It sucks. That’s writer’s block — and not as many people have this problem as Tumblr and Twitter would make you believe. The simple fact of the matter is that most people who say they’re dealing with writer’s block… aren’t. They just have nothing to say, but they can’t admit that to themselves and wind up penning pointless blog posts that have entire paragraphs opining about how awesome bacon is.

…wait…

Posted on by James in Writing

A Lot Can Change in a Year…

The year that was 2011 now lies bleeding and lifeless in an alleyway, and 2012 has stepped in to take its 366 days (356 if you believe in that Doomsday poppycock) in the spotlight. As I sit here typing this, I can’t help but be in a little bit of awe over how much my life has changed.

January 1st, 2011: Starving Artist
I was terribly depressed. It seemed that nothing was going my way. My personal life was in shambles and, professionally, I had hit a brick wall. I was working 18-20 hour days writing soulless How To guides for various content farms for next to no pay. The work was so soul crushing that I had a hard time putting words down anymore. I would stare at my screen, sometimes for hours on end, trying to will myself to do the work. The people around me would tell me that I was burnt out, but the truth of the matter was that I simply didn’t enjoy it anymore. I was too tired, too stressed and too down on myself to care about my work at that point.

My professional issues bled into my personal life. The career struggles worked to drive away the woman I was (and still am) head-over-heels for, and my inability to pay my share of the rent on a regular basis drove a wedge between my roommate (who is one of my closest friends) and I. There were other matters, much of them involving my family, but I won’t get into those here.

At this point, I was rethinking my decisions. Maybe they were right, I thought. Maybe I’m just not cut out for writing. I should just give it up and try to find something more realistic and stable. So when the clock hit midnight on January 1st, 2011, I made the New Years Resolution to give up writing. I gave up writing everywhere but a single blog (had to pay my bills) and spent the next two months looking for work. I must have sent out over a hundred resumes, not getting beyond a single phone interview. But then, on March 2nd, the strangest thing happened…

BioWare called.

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Posted on by James in Lowlife

Konnichiwa

Hi, kids!

As you can see, I’ve started a new blog. This will, in time, become a dumping ground for whatever is on my mind. Apart from that… I’ve got nothin’. I’m awful at introductory posts. This unnecessary pressure to say something witty, thought-provoking or otherwise creative is one of the reasons why I always wound up abandoning my blogs to begin with.

To be perfectly honest, I don’t like most blogs. At least, I don’t like the perception of what “most blogs” are. Over the years blogs have evolved, but I came of age during that brief period where “blog” meant “LiveJournal” or “MySpace.” I used to have one of those blogs — but I didn’t have a LiveJournal. Oh, no. That was far too bright and upbeat for my dark, tormented (read: angsty) tastes. I had a DeadJournal. It was, at the time, basically LiveJournal for emo kids, goth twenty-somethings and ICP fans. I used it to bitch about my parents, bitch about school, talk about my girlfriend and recap my life in a very Joe Friday “Just the Facts” manner.

So help me God if this turns into that, I’ll swallow a porpoise and let the dolphin-seal gnaw it’s way out of my esophagus.

What will this blog be about? Well… me. I’ll talk about my thoughts on games and the gaming industry. I’ll opine about cinema and my love of bad movies. I’ll go into entirely too much detail about some of the stupid shit I eat (such as a half-pound hamburger inbetween two grilled cheese sandwiches). Basically I’ll go on about whatever I want to go on about at that given time.

Except work.

So, thanks for visiting. I apologize in advance if this is all you see – but I promise that I’ll be updating soon… unless you’re reading this in May or something. In that case, give it up. Because I obviously did.

Posted on by James in High Tech